Finally the lunar eclipse is over! This sign of the apocalypse comes with the belief that our good or bad deeds are multiplied tenfold. After this week of just keeping my head down and getting through one drama fest after another…I wonder if my “deeds” could be labelled as “grin and bear”…and I ponder where that puts me in line for karma.

February has begun with a cheeky rodent looking at his shadow and scampering around while men in suits predict a long lasting winter. With that insightful prediction the snow continues to fall, loading on roofs and shelters at the farm and taunting me as it creeps into my tall boots.

If snow in my boots wasn’t a clear enough sign of karma, this morning on my “doggie pickup” rounds, I had to call the local tow truck to rescue me from the avenues. Yesterday we awoke to massacre in the chicken coop. What was left of my precious girls huddled in an corner of their outdoor run, afraid to move. One of my favorite canine’s Silas, started a strict training regime, my princess pony fighting her appropriate diet limitations, my perfect Henry with an ear infection…. All these daily dramas added to raising a teenage son, overwhelming work load as Jason and I catch up from our break and  I  am  tired.

I beg karma to see how hard I try and ignore the drama that swallows me in darkness. I work very hard to start each new day off on the right foot…to be excited about new challenges and forgive the “blame” game for disrupting my “responsibility” blinders. I want to blog about what I learn each day…how I struggle to do what I know to be right when my heart leads me in a different direction betraying my responsibility.

The puppy Silas has come to me this week for a “Bakers Acres Bootcamp” session. His family loves him so much that he has forgotten how to be a dog. He is their baby. He no longer sees himself as a dog. I want so much to invite him in the house, flip him on his back, cuddle and coo him like a baby. I want to pinch his fluffy baby cheeks and have him sigh while I bury my face in his belly fur. I know from my training with my young horse Nucents that Nucents boldly does not respect me. He simply doesn’t respect me because I treat him like a baby. He wants me to respect him as a horse, not as a dog or as my surrogate child, but as a horse. He is proud of who he is! When “horse people” come and treat him, respect him, as the horse he is….he follows them around and practically drools as he asks to be guided and worked. Silas is no different. I’m waiting patiently for him to look at me, respect me and simply ask to come in before I invite him. I know he needs a leader, not a mother. He needs guidance and predictability. He needs to learn to be proud of being a dog! If I invite him in the house and cuddle him (like my heart is screaming for), I take away his pride in being a dog. I kill his spirit, his chance to shine.

So many people have no understanding of this. They simply cannot see past their dog as being their baby. They expect their dog to become human and forget who they instinctually were born to be. Imagine if I told my 14 year old son he had to become a dog and I was going to treat him as such, making him eat on the floor and sleep in a dog bed, petting him while he was growling at me because I think it’s cute…it might be funny at first but then the world would surely end in disaster. I would lose my son. I would have no respect for him, nor he for me. I would kill who he was, and maybe even who he would ever be.

It takes everything in my heart to not reach out to Silas as my baby. I stifle my selfish needs and wait for him to remember who he is. Fascinating thing….he truly doesn’t care. He could not care less about who I am or what I want or how hard it is for me to “ignore” him. He has no respect for me as anything but a vessel to provide him with food. I will force myself to wait patiently as he learns. The reward will be his unrelenting respect. This is so profound that it is worth the wait. (I have experienced this transition with my poodle Georgia but for very different reasons. But that is another story.) The struggle then becomes teaching the people around me, the people who think this is a harsh thought process. The people who judge and blame instead of taking the responsibility of owning a dog. We all need to stop blaming, use that bad karma moment as inspiration to learn and teach and become a better person inside. Know our limitations and accept them without blame. The people around us deserve that kind of honesty and responsibility.

Please, Karma, who ever you are…be merciful…I am trying.