Panic is defined as: sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

I don’t know much about anything. “I’m good with dogs”…but still I only boast the basics in a world full of “experts”. I believe this philosophy and my undeniable loyalty to it keeps my humble heart in check.

In times of panic anyone who feels the pain and fear of others can suffer incredibly. I’ve spent my adult life consuming the feelings of people around me foolheartedly believing that if I take on their pain, I can ease it. I’ve learned that sharing their pain does not ease it…but rather increases it until everyone in the vicinity can almost literally grab a handful of anxiety out of the air and keep it safe in their pocket until it is needed in a wild show of dramatics should they choose to increase their spotlight.

My philosophy in being good and proud of individual talents instead of boasting a general expertise in all things is closely followed by my dedication to only worry about things I can control. I achieve this with distraction. Achieve is the wrong word…it signifies success. I am far from successful in this pursuit. I am content to not be good at pushing away all worry and to only be good at the effort of it. We cannot control wildfire. What I can control…my feelings.

Wildly unthinking behaviour comes from uncontrolled thoughts. We have the power to control our thoughts. Our thoughts control our feelings. We can choose to worry, elicit fear or simply swim in the fiery chaos to be the hero, the director, the martyr or the victim. In our human goals to be any of these things…we are simply being selfish. I do not claim to be protected from selfishness…on the contrary…I work very hard to keep this double-edged sword at bay.

I feel safe here. Surrounded by devastating wildfires, palpable fear and unchecked anxiety…I feel safe simply because I selfishly choose to be. In choosing this edge of the sword I protect my heart and in doing so, I allow it to open to the people who need me to “do”. They don’t need me to feel their fear, they need me to protect their animals.

Bakers Acres has taken in (at last count) 23 cats, 10 dogs, 18 rabbits, 70+chickens, 1 turkey, and 8 sheep who are quickly lambing and becoming 10, 11, 12… from evacuees and I am humbled that they trust me with their sole incomes, their precious family members and their last remaining “possession”. I do this around my business. In order to logistically help them, I must continue to work. I cannot give the displaced families the kennel rooms that pay the bills. For this I feel like I’m going to burn in hell. When a train of vehicles arrive in my driveway loaded with animals and belongings with nowhere to go, I can (as of today) only offer paid kennel space. I write that with my teeth gritted and tension in my arms as my heart cracks. It simply is what it is. I cannot change that. I’ve requested money from RDBN to close the business and take in more animals but there is simply no funding for pets.

Same as other local business owners who are serving coffee with smiles on their faces to exhausted, filthy firefighters…knowing that their short-staffed cafes will need endless cleaning to accept the officials in suits behind these hard-working people. Their homes are burning as they smile and heat the water for another strong coffee order, their dedicated employees are at home wetting their roofs with well water and garden hoses in a desperate effort to save their homes…and we can only do what we can do, so we smile.

Here is the part where I ask for donations. The selfish part. The part where I plead for monetary donations so I selfishly do not have to watch anymore desperate people shrink away from another “no”. The panic behind their eyes haunt me. As they turn away from me and turn to each other their conversations become heartbreaking plans to give up their pets that they can not take care of in the back seats of their cars amidst the raging, unstoppable heat.

Donations of cash can be made to Tech North Solutions in Burns Lake. Thankyou to Tech North for their time in accepting, organising and arranging supplies/donations as well as their time in physically coming to care for the animals on the grounds. Etransfer donations can be made to bakersacres2012@gmail.com, please add “Fire” in the comments. Thank-you to Karen Baker (My Mom:)) for accepting and organising emails/correspondence and donations as well as physically coming to delegate, clean, handy-man and “go to” for anything the farm needs. She does this despite her home being on vigilant evacuation alert.

I look to others to be my heroes. I focus on being “good with dogs”, knowing what is in my control and channeling my thoughts so that I can continue to support those that need Bakers Acres, in any way I can.

“More than doubling its size in the last 24 hours, the Shovel Lake wildfire has grown to 5,000 hectares. The blaze is now listed as the largest out-of-control blaze in all of the province and is zero-percent contained.”

https://www.myprincegeorgenow.com/80914/shovel-lake-wildfire-now-the-largest-out-of-control-blaze-in-bc/

I come from a long line of dramatic people. Oh the stories I can tell (or re-tell) would be enough to curl your toes. Instead of getting into the juicy drama of it all (I’ll leave that to my Mom’s autobiography), I’ve chosen the mantra in my life to avoid drama…at all costs. Anyone who knows me well…is giggling to themselves and shutting off the computer before I’ve even gotten to my point.

Drama follows me. This last week (is it only Thursday?) I’ve dealt with teenage drama’s, the tragic death of our pet bunny, the cancellation of our yearly hay crop, a new appreciation for honest people as I learn the in’s and out’s of digital small claims court, the government costs of hiring an employee, the onslaught of questions regarding my evacuation plans as we prepare for an alert to reach us soon, a dead battery forcing me to remember my Dad’s lessons from 20 years ago and I’ve taken in a teacup chihuahua that has been surrendered as her Dad goes from his assisted living situation into the Prince George hospital. The drama of nurses fighting for him to keep his pet and officials of the home fighting to take her away makes me…redirect and focus on something I can control.

I strive for a simple life…a small home neatly fenced for horses and tons of room for the dogs to run. A self-sustaining homestead that provides everything we need…real carrots, real honey, real eggs. When did our lives become so unreal? So dramatic?

We create drama so we don’t have to pay our bills. Drama to get attention. Drama to get what we want. Drama to conquer. Drama to redirect, protect and extinguish. In all the drama we forget what’s real.

What’s real in my life comes into direct perspective as an out-of-control wildfire creeps over the hill towards us. I know that the hardworking firefighters will protect us…but to be prepared to leave it all…what do I take? Sounds overly dramatic…in reality it’s simple. The animals. I’m prepared with vehicles and kennels to evacuate all animals in my care safely and quickly. The rest simply doesn’t matter.

The definition of drama is simply this…”a situation or sequence of events in real life that is highly emotional, tragic or turbulent, characteristic of a play performed on stage by actors.” Drama lives in our head and on TV, it isn’t real.

What is real? “Real” is not store-bought, but made with love and time. When “real” is lost it does not contaminate the earth but instead brings new life. “Real” is not selfish, material, dramatic or pretty. “Real” is simple, detailed, honest and…elusive.